So today I drove away from my house, our house. It was harder than I could have imagined. I hated saying bye to Duchess, I wish I could have taken her with me, she's my baby. I don't think I really thought about anything while I was driving, but it all hit me when I got into my hotel room. This is real, my husband and I are seperated and may or may not be getting back together.
I have to be honest with myself and not think of the fantasy scenario that I want to happen. I have to realize that this could not work out and my marriage could be done. I would love for us to work things out and be happy again, but I have this thought in the back of my mind that he's just buying time and is going to tell me he really wants a divorce.
Regardless of what happens, I have to use this time as an opportunity for me to work on "me". I need to find Crystal again, I feel like with all our issues, I've become someone different and I don't really like this new person. I know I've got things to work on and I'm hoping to figure out what I need to work on and get to a new place and be happy, no matter what happens.
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